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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28921788">RWBY Chibi: The Return of The Chibi</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/GentlemanG/pseuds/GentlemanG'>GentlemanG</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>RWBY</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Comedy, Crack, Drama, Fluff and Humor, Humor, I Ship It, Multi, Nobody is Dead, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:48:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,804</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28921788</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/GentlemanG/pseuds/GentlemanG</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>My little continuation of RWBY Chibi. It's got more comedy, more unexpected revivals, and more shipteasing than you can shake Zwei at!</p><p>I don't own anything used here. If I did, something would be seriously wrong with the world.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Episode 1: Innovations in Evil/Super Penny</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my second project on A03. Don't forget to comment, critique and share.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>(In a space of pure whiteness, the giant blocky title and a certain rose emblem drop from the sky to the ground, where the four miniaturised members of Team RWBY pop out from behind it to smile, wave and adopt poses for the audience while an unseen speaker announces the show as: "<strong>RWBY CHIBI!</strong>")</em>
</p><p>
  <strong><em>Innovations in Evil</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>It was a dark day in the Boardroom. Cinder, Mercury, Emerald, Neo and Roman all sat around the table. Neo was staring attentively at Roman, who, like Mercury next to him, was completely bored out of his mind. Emerald was staring worriedly at Cinder, who was giving the others the evil eye…</p><p> </p><p>...while simultaneously freaking out.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, peons. This will be your first meeting with the CEO of our evil enterprise. Your boss, my boss, EVERY evildoer’s boss! ...except maybe the White Fang. But that’s besides the point!” Cinder glared at everyone...especially Roman, who had his feet <em> on the boardroom table </em> . “So no slouching, no giggling, no staring, and <em> Roman, take your shoes off the gosh-darn table!” </em></p><p> </p><p>With a groan, Roman took his feet down. Mercury, however, spoke up. “Why do WE have to sit in with your boss? We didn’t even get an invite to this meeting.”</p><p> </p><p>Emerald put her hand on Cinder’s shoulder before she could start yelling again. “Cinder...you’re having another freakout again. Just like that time with the cake...”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> The whole dorm was aflame. Team RWBY all stood around with singed expressions...and party hats. Meanwhile, Emerald was trying to restrain a Cinder who looked fit to commit murder. Emerald let out a nervous chuckle. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Probably should have mentioned…” she said delicately, “she doesn’t like surprise parties.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Cinder sighed. She did need to watch her blood pressure. She turned to Mercury with a proud expression. “This is the day that I present my work to the boss! She’ll see that making me Vice President of Bad Ideas was a brilliant idea! And<em> you’re </em> all here to make a statement.”</p><p> </p><p>Mercury arched an eyebrow. “We’re here, in this cold boardroom, <em> to improve your employment prospects? </em>”</p><p> </p><p>Cinder didn’t catch on to the dripping sarcasm. “Yes! With any luck, I’ll be promoted to <em> Senior </em> Vice President!”</p><p> </p><p>Any response was cut off when the board room door swung open. Instantly, the temperature grew cold. A cloaked figure floated slowly past them. Immediately, everyone shuddered as the figure passed them. It approached the head seat of the table (a large black wingback chair), and sat down.<br/>
<br/>
Salem had arrived. And in style one might add. </p><p> </p><p>She quickly removed the Geist Grimm she was using to make her cloak move on it’s own (Floyd was moving up in the world.) and leaned on the table. The Grimm Queen clicked her fingers, and a moustached figure in shadow, began to take minutes.</p><p> </p><p>“So, what have you <em> dragged </em>me out here to see?” She looked very disinterested.</p><p> </p><p>Cinder regained composure quickly. “Oh! Miss Salem, I wanted to show you all the work we’ve done here in the past few years. You see,” (at this point, she pulled out a massive presentation of charts and slides from nowhere in particular.) “if you see this chart, our number of candy stolen from babies has doubled since last quarter! And our puppy kicking departments have certainly earned their bonuses this year!”<br/>
<br/>
It was at this point, Mercury fell asleep. By the time he awoke, Cinder was finishing her presentation. “...and one time, I went down to the coffee place and ordered a <em> very </em> complicated order! And I didn’t even drink it!”</p><p> </p><p>Salem tilted her head. “Uh huh. Interesting. And what do your...associates think of the work you do? Any questions? Problems?”</p><p> </p><p>Mercury put his hands up. “Uh, yeah. I’ve got one. <em> Why is this all so boring?” </em> </p><p> </p><p>A collective gasp filled the room.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean really! Everything takes so much longer to do, these chairs are cheaper than my dad (and he’s <em> dead!), </em>and if you ask me, I know we’re an evil company, but I don’t think ANY business would look this...creepy.”</p><p> </p><p>Cinder made a noise that sounded like a Beowulf getting a football to the groin. She looked fit to try and melt Mercury down to commemorative pens, and even Emerald was having a hard time holding on to her companion, who was now beginning to melt the plastic tabletop out of sheer rage.</p><p> </p><p>And then Salem raised a hand. “Cinder.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes...Ma’am?”</p><p> </p><p>“Young Mr Black has made a valid point. I have been at this business for a long time. And I would be lying if I did not say that I have been blind to the world’s advances.” She pulled out a pager-shaped Grimm. “Watts, I need you to begin research on all the things modern businesses do now. Times have changed in the world of evil. And as Me as my witness, we shall bring our evil into <em> whatever century we’re in now </em>!”</p><p> </p><p>(TWO WEEKS LATER)</p><p> </p><p>“This is all your fault. I don’t know what it is, but it’s all your fault.”  Cinder did not look a happy bunny. After that <em> travesty </em> of a meeting, Salem had been silent for two weeks. Then, out of the blue, an invitation comes through <em> via one terrified carrier pigeon, no less </em>, inviting them to a meeting at the castle. This could not be good.</p><p><br/>
Mercury looked indignant. “MY fault?! We haven’t even got there yet!”</p><p><br/>
“I know, I’m just getting out my <em> absolute rage and frustration </em> before we do.”</p><p><br/>
Emerald just quietly tried to look out the window. Roman and Neo had decided not to come, which gave Emerald two less distractions should Cinder go nuclear.</p><p><br/>
Which, judging by her twitching eyebrows, was a matter of minutes.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>By a small miracle, everyone made it to the castle unscorched. They walked down the corridor towards the large central hall, only to be met by-</p><p> </p><p>“Doctor Watts?!” Cinder stared at the former Atlesian scientist, the brains of Salem’s cabal...who was now wearing a black and red turtleneck sweater, matching black tracksuit pants and a black woolen beanie cap all with the word ‘SALEM’ woven on in a bohemian font. A big white Badge with a cartoon Grimm skull on it sat on his right breast. Judging by the scowl on his face, he wasn’t exactly willing to don this attire. He sighed a weary sigh. “The new Uniforms. First in her new innovations. And if you think this is...gaudy, you should see <em> yours. </em>” He gave a thinly veiled smirk.</p><p> </p><p>Cinder opened the door, but not before taking a second to glare daggers at Mercury. They just had to enter the hall and take their seats.</p><p> </p><p>Only there weren’t any seats. Or even the table. Even Ralph the Seer Grimm wasn’t even here. Everything had changed.</p><p><br/>
Gone were the vaulted red and black ceilings. Everything, from walls to floors to furniture, was now bright white, bearing the same Grimm skull image, except for what looked like a small wooden bar in the corner, and a large black screen standing atop a large stage. It looked more like a phone store rather than a evil lair.</p><p><br/>
Cinder’s thoughts were cut off by a whirring noise. She turned to see Ralph, who’s tendrils were now altered and modified into some kind of two-wheeled contraption. By the central bulb were two handles, which were being held by…</p><p> </p><p>“What do you think, playahs? Is this bae or what?”</p><p> </p><p><em> “SALEM?!?” </em> Cinder was in shock. Her leader, the person she idolized, was now... <em> a hipster. </em></p><p> </p><p>Her long white matronly hair was now cut into something resembling a pixie bob. The ominous black dress was replaced by a red hooded top with a distressed Goliath skull embossed on it, with the train now replaced with slim black skinny jeans, and black trainers.</p><p>And judging by her calm yet stilted tone and liberal use of slang, she was trying to <em> be cool. </em> Cinder felt...confused and annoyed.</p><p> </p><p>“Check out the new me!”</p><p> </p><p>Emerald was the first to stop internally screaming. “This is...nice.”</p><p> </p><p>‘Salem’ stepped off the wheeled contraption. “I know, right? Merks was right. We needed to innovate and now…” she gestured to the room, “I’ve brought our business into the happening years! And Watts and I, like, created a way to do our evil more effectively though our scrolls! I, like, named it the <b>iTakeOverTheWorld!</b>”</p><p><b><br/>
</b>She gestured to a screen which showed the name in a minimalist black font. Cinder was beginning to shake, muttering incomprehensibly.</p><p> </p><p>“With this and all our other innovations, our squad are going totally on fleek!”</p><p> </p><p>Cinder was beginning to froth at the mouth. Emerald was about to do something, but ‘Salem’ had already walked over.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Oh Gods. This isn’t going to end well.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>‘Salem’ looked at Cinder who was slowly recoiling at the sights before her.“You seem tense, Cinder. Could I interest you in a soy chai latte with Mistrali goat milk?”</p><p> </p><p>It was at this point that Cinder blacked out. Everyone looked in shock. Except…</p><p><br/>
“Wait,” said Mercury turning to ‘Salem’, “did you just call me <b> <em>Merks</em> </b>?!”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>(Insert Penny Transition)</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>Super Penny</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Ruby looked in horror. “Penny! We’re not going to make it!”</p><p>Penny stuck a dramatic stance. “Then it seems we’re out of options, team.” She gestured to Ruby, Yang, Weiss and Blake before her. “We’re going to have to <em> transform! </em>”</p><p> </p><p>The four girls nodded, before all five struck a dramatic pose. “TRANSFORM!”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Penny soared high into the air, detaching her arms and legs as her torso twisted around so that the back was facing the front.. The new ‘back’ of her chest opened up two pegs, for the use of later parts. She smiled. “I’ll form the Head and Body!” </em>
</p><p><em><br/>
</em> <em> Ruby smiled as Penny’s left arm attached to her body. She crouched, her legs clicking together. As Ruby’s cape flew off, a white glove emerged out of the small of her back. The new black and red limb attached itself to Penny’s body. Ruby chuckled. “I’ll form the Left Arm. Ready when you are, Penny!” </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Yang flashed a devilish Grin as she clicked her arms and legs together. Her gauntlets combined into a single yellow, black and red glove. As Yang’s hair formed a ‘flame’ around the fist, Penny’s right arm attached itself to Yang, causing the black parts to turn white, giving the appearance of a bare knuckle glove. “Right Arm is armed and ready, guys!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Weiss stabbed her Myrtenaster into the ground, forming a shining white armour construct over her body. Her blade dismantled itself and combined with her body. Weiss entered a meditative stance as she changed into a gleaming white sabaton, decorated with the coloured accents of Myrtenaster. Penny’s left leg attacted to the top. Weiss’ voice came out, magnified ten times. “Construct is online, Penny. Left Leg is ready.”  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Blake clasped her hands together and performed a sequence of hand symbols before vanishing in a puff of smoke. In her place was a giant black and grey greave with a iron casting of a bare foot. To complete the image, a giant version of Gambol Shroud’s blade attached itself to the knee. The leg became complete with the addition of Penny’s remaining appendage. “Gambol Greave is ready for action. Right Leg, ready.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> When all the different parts combined, Penny’s new front flicked open, revealing Gold and green chest plates and pauldrons. Ruby’s discarded cape folded like origami into a set of triangular orange glasses. Penny gave a determined smile. All four girls joined her. </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> And with the battle cry of </em> <b> <em>“SUPER PENNY, ENGAGE!”</em> </b> <em> , they charged into the fray. </em></p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“And that’s Ruby’s idea for my next upgrade, father. She even made this model and everything!” Penny gleamed with pride as she put the model of ‘Super Penny’ on the workshop table. “So, what do you think?”</p><p> </p><p>Pietro Polendina gave a cheery smile. “Well, I’ll see what I can do, sweetheart!” He chuckled heartily as Penny skipped out of the room.</p><p><em> “Okay, how am I going to tell her,” </em> he thought, <em> “that I can do exactly </em> <b> <em>none</em> </b> <em> of that idea?” </em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>For the first skit, I was inspired by the brainwave that, since Salem controlled the Grimm, that means that Mike, Marty, Floyd and the like are probably her doing. Maybe they're facets of her personality. Then I remembered that the God of Darkness made them, but I don't know what's more bizarre. The idea of any part of Salem being genial and informal, or the GOD OF DARKNESS AND DEATH being the same.</p><p>For the second skit, I was inspired by the Spongebob Comics #15 skit, 'TRANSFORM!!!", and way too much Power Rangers and Voltron. Just the idea of Penny transforming into a Voltron-type robot with Kamina glasses made me laugh.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Episode 2: Hyped Up/HuntsMan: Origins</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hyped Up: Knowing what we now know about Coco's Semblance, a certain silver eyed huntress takes this to the logical conclusion. Logical being relative here.</p><p>HuntsMan: Origins: And now, without any further delays, the secret, and totally original origins of the Pumpkin Protector, the Rabbit of Revengance, the Blonde Brigand of the Night: The secret vigilante known as...the HuntsMan!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In a space of pure whiteness, the giant blocky title and a certain rose emblem drop from the sky to the ground, where the four miniaturised members of Team RWBY pop out from behind it to smile, wave and adopt poses for the audience while an unseen speaker announces the show as: "RWBY CHIBI"!</p><p>---</p><p>
  <em> Hyped Up </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ruby <em> knew </em>this question was stupid. But she needed to know. </p><p> </p><p>In the dead of night, she walked up to the Team CFVY dorms and knocked on the door. Velvet gingerly opened the door, clad in her carrot-adorned pajamas.</p><p>“Oh! Hey, Ruby. What brings you here?” The faunus’ face fell when she saw Ruby’s wild, wide-eyed expression. “What’s wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>“I need to speak with <em> her </em>, Velvet. It’s something that could potentially revolutionize Huntresship as we know it!” Ruby looked like a girl on a mission. An all-night, marathon of a mission.</p><p><br/>Velvet could see that, clear as day. “Okay...but be warned. She’s very perceptive about ideas like that.”</p><p><br/>Ruby smiled insanely. “Don’t worry, Velvet. She will <em> not </em>say no to this!”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Coco Adel was sitting at the table, adorned in a cream coloured bathrobe, scrubbing her nails with an emery board when Ruby sped in, quickly sitting herself down. Velvet joined Coco’s side of the table, earnestly. Before she could speak, Ruby spoke up. “Coco, I’ve had an amazing idea!”</p><p> </p><p>Coco squinted through her sunglasses. <em> “This </em> is gonna be interesting.” She was clearly skeptical, although she was genuinely surprised when Ruby pulled out a notebook.</p><p><br/>It wasn’t <em> just </em> a notebook. It was full of... <em> maths </em>. Physics calculations, equations and diagrams, and many more besides! It was all making her head spin. Finally, her words worked out of her mouth.</p><p><br/>“What...exactly...IS this?”</p><p> </p><p>Ruby smiled, chuckling for far too long. “My idea.”</p><p> </p><p>Coco waved her hands. “Okay, <em> stop. </em> Start over. <em> Ideally </em>, at the beginning!”</p><p> </p><p>Ruby giggled, and rubbed her hands together. “Okay. Velvet once told me that your semblance has the power to enhance the power of Dust in your bullets, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Coco nodded, silently dreading where this could be going. “Yeah…?”</p><p><br/>“Well, I was just doing some homework for Professor Port, about the explosive yield of Dust rounds, when I realised: If the dust was powerful enough, and it was fired out of a weapon <em> straight downwards </em>, you could achieve enough propulsion to go airborne!”</p><p> </p><p>Coco remembered that piece of homework. Every student came to that conclusion and went airborne at least once. For devastating attacks, you understand. Definitely just for that. “Right…”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, at first I was starting to ask Weiss about the yields of certain qualities of Dust, until she told me to go to bed because it was midnight. But then I realised!”</p><p>She gestured to Coco excitedly. “With your semblance, you could amplify the Dust so much that you could counteract the weight co-efficients and produce exceptional amounts of thrust!”</p><p> </p><p>Coco raised her hand. “You sure you’re just a first year student? Because those are insane calculations…”</p><p> </p><p>“IN CONCLUSION…” Ruby declared, with great finality, “If you could strap your minigun to your back, modify your outfit to survive the G-forces AND make sure that your gun had enough ammo and was adequately cooled…you could <b> <em>fly</em> </b>, Coco.”</p><p> </p><p>Coco, and Velvet both blinked several times. They <em> wanted </em>to disprove this. They knew that this was an insane idea in many many ways. But the maths were right there. They looked upon Ruby like she was some kind of space alien who appeared in front of them.</p><p><br/>Velvet was the first to break the silence.</p><p> </p><p>“You can figure out <em> that </em>?!”</p><p> </p><p>Ruby smiled. “When it comes to weapons, I’m a veritable genius! Plus, I think I drank enough Coffee and sugar to kill a Beowulf.”</p><p><br/>Velvet blinked. “What?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I’m pretty sure this cape is tethering me to my physical body.”</p><p> </p><p>Coco stared. “What?!”</p><p><br/>“And, as interesting as that is conceptually, I feel like I need <em> immediate medical attention. </em>”</p><p> </p><p>And with that, Ruby collapsed face-down on the table in the Team CFVY dorms.</p><p> </p><p>Both girls got up at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>“WHAT?!”</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Ruby awoke half asleep in the middle of the school infirmary. She only had enough time to recall her location and the events of last night before she fell back asleep.</p><p><br/>Outside the room, Professor Bartholomew Oobleck looked in and shook his head with disdain.</p><p><br/>“The first time is always the hardest…”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> (Coco Transition: She adjusts her glasses, salutes to the camera and soars off...using her minigun as a jetpack.) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> HuntsMan: Origins </em>
</p><p> </p><p>It was a dark night on the streets of Vale. The kind of night where the street lights acted as projectors, highlighting the criminal element below. Luckily, two rival vigilantes kept the streets squeaky clean:</p><p> </p><p><b>The HuntsMan</b> and <b>The Red Huntress.</b></p><p> </p><p>It was nearing dawn, after hours of stopping Roman Torchwick and Neopolitan’s cake heist. Under the cover of darkness, while no-one was looking, they had snuck into a Schnee Dust Company compound...and took forty cakes. They took forty cakes. That was as many as four tens.</p><p><br/>And that was, without a doubt, terrible.</p><p> </p><p>Anyway, once the cakes were safe in the hands of the SDC cake butlers, Our two heroes were left alone in a nearby alleyway. The HuntsMan cleared his throat as he turned to his partner. He spoke with a gravelly sort of tone (that had definitely not been practised in front of a mirror).</p><p> </p><p><b>“Red Huntress...we’ve been fighting the same crimes for a while. Our rivalry has turned from one of mutual deception </b> (at this, The Red Huntress looked considerably bemused.) <b>to a more friendly kind of rivalry. In time...I’ve grew to consider you just as much a sidekick as Wonder Zwei.”</b></p><p> </p><p>Wonder Zwei smiled at the heroine. “Bark bark!”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“I truly feel that now, I can trust you with my secret origin story. But you must remember, to NEVER share this with anyone, for people can use it to unearth my secret identity.”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>The Red Huntress looked confused before clearing her voice. “I promise, HuntsMan. I shall bear this secret to my grave.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> (Miles away, Cinder sneezed.) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Satisfied, The Pumpkin Protector waved his hands, causing the world to ripple away into a-</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> FLAAASHBAAAACK! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“A long time ago, I was living in Mistral with my beautiful girlfriend Erina. Our father had been killed by my evil adopted brother, I had just survived his attempt to kill me and burn down our mansion, and I had just recovered after that ordeal. Then one day, a older looking man wearing a tophat and green hair leapt off a wall and jabbed me right in the lungs. He then told me-”</b>
</p><p> </p><p><em> “Mr Arc! You must learn the Power of the Ripple to destroy the Grimm Masks!” </em>announced a man that looked suspiciously like Oobleck in a white suit. A young looking Jaune Arc was looking astounded at the remarkable man. Meanwhile, a girl, who looked not unlike Weiss Schnee in a red dress, looked bored to be in this flashback to begin with.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“And so I trained under him for a while, with my best friend, a street punk named after a band. And then-”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The Red Huntress squinted. “I...don’t think that’s true.</p><p> </p><p>HuntsMan shook his head. <b>“Please, save all questions for the end.”</b></p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“Anyway, then we moved to Atlas in search of my brother, but one night, we had just gone to see a superhero movie. We decided to take a shortcut down a dark alley, when my Brother pulled out his weapon and shot Erina and my street tough band named friend.”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> (HuntsMan clearly looked crushed. The Red Huntress looked uneasy.) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“In his dying breath, dear old The Vamps turned to me and said…”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>A guy looking suspiciously like Sun Wukong in a black hat and jacket grasped at the teenage Jaune with two hands. “Don’t...be...afraid, bro.”</p><p><br/>And with a <em> “Hurgh...bleh.” </em>, he was gone.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“When he died, he bequeathed to me his massive fortune and business empire, which I previously didn’t know he had. I was able to build myself a massive new mansion, with a butler and a secret cave and-”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“If he owned a massive fortune and business empire, why was he a street tough?”</p><p> </p><p>HuntsMan smiled. “<b>Simple. He came to Vale with a thirst for knowledge. He studied sculpture at Doctor Oobleck's College. That's where I...caught his eye. He told me that his dad was loaded. And I said, “In that case, I'll have rum and Rooster-Cola.” He said fine. And then, in thirty seconds time, he said-”</b></p><p> </p><p>“Okay, I think that’s just the lyrics to a song.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“Whatever. That’s MY story, but I bet you’re curious about Wonder Zwei.”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>“Oh-kay?”</p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“I had been hard work at my career for many years. But one night, as I was sitting in my study, pondering what to do now that my evil brother had been finally caught and imprisoned after trying to go through the ‘10 Items or Less’ line with twelve items-”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think that’s how that works…”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I heard a massive crash on the front lawn. I rushed outside and saw a massive alien space ship. It opened up to reveal an ALIEN! They handed me a small, black and grey Corgi pup. I offered her medical assistance, but she refused. They gestured to the Corgi…”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>The alien, whose appearance resembled Penny Polendina with her skin painted green and with a fake antennae headband nestled under her bow (But it clearly wasn’t. Definitely an alien.), spoke weakly. “Look at him, man without fear. What do you see?”</p><p> </p><p>Jaune Arc, who was now wearing pilot’s gear for some reason, looked confused. “It’s...uh...a puppy?” </p><p> </p><p>“In your tongue, yes. But it is an being of infinite potential, only given to elite galactic patrolmen to be used as a weapon for justice, peace and excellent dental hygiene.”</p><p><br/>Jaune tilted his head. “...It’s a cute puppy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do not be fooled by his commonplace appearance. For it is what is on the inside that counts.”</p><p> </p><p>“...You’re giving me a puppy.”</p><p> </p><p>“But be warned! There is an impurity in his construction. One which, oddly enough, renders him powerless if removed. If he is faced with needles or vacuum cleaners, he is rendered powerless!”</p><p> </p><p>“...It’s a dog...who’s afraid of vacuum cleaners and needles.”</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly the alien keeled dramatically. “The pupper has chosen you as it’s new bearer! I have told you all I can! Protect the corgi...with all your might! Hurgh…”</p><p> </p><p>“...what kind of food does he like? Beef? Chicken?”</p><p> </p><p>And with a hint of irritation, the alien died with a “...<em> bleh </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“And from that moment onwards, Wonder Zwei has been my sidekick ever since.”</b>
</p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The HuntsMan took a deep breath. <b>“What say you, Red Huntress?”</b></p><p> </p><p>The Magnetic Mistress looked completely confused. “Is all that your REAL origins? Like, your super duper, ultra rare, chocolatey-fudge-covered, stupendeously secret origins?” She spoke slowly, as if coming to terms with every word.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“Yes…”</b>
</p><p><br/>The Red Huntress opened her mouth-</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“...unless that was a falsehood. Nobody can know my secret identity, so I have multiple origins on standby, in case some evil doer were to mind control me.”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>-and then closed it. Thank the Gods, none of it was probably true. Her mind was about to break.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“Although I am seventy five per cent sure that Wonder Zwei comes from another world.”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>It could have been a trick of the light, but Wonder Zwei looked a tad uncomfortable...</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Inspirations:<br/>Hyped Up: Inspired by my first reading of what Coco's semblance did, which reminded me about a What If.xkcd page about the feasibility of flying using a downward firing machine gun. Ruby's end result is basically what the page concludes with, but I strongly advise you give him a look. It's a really interesting blog.</p><p>HuntsMan: Origins: I just thought that, if Jaune tried to make an origin story for his superhero alter ego, he'd probably just take things from all the things he read. In case you haven't guessed, they're inspired by Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: Phantom Blood, Batman and Green Lantern. That's not me saying that they exist here. Unless in a 'Spruce Willis' kinda way. I also didn't want to drop any names, so I just thought of a random band name.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Episode 3: Your Dad, My Dad/Love is Blind.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Your Dad, My Dad - Ruby learns never to make bets with Weiss.</p><p>Love is Blind - In an attempt to get away from work, Ozpin goes to a coffee shop, only to clap eyes on a beautiful lady...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>(In a space of pure whiteness, the giant blocky title and a certain rose emblem drop from the sky to the ground, where the four miniaturised members of Team RWBY pop out from behind it to smile, wave and adopt poses for the audience while an unseen speaker announces the show as: "RWBY CHIBI"!)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My Dad, Your Dad</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe you, Weiss!” Ruby Rose cried as they stomped down the hall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Weiss frowned. “Get over yourself, Ruby! You can always make another one!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not the point! That was going to be the greatest cake of all time! THROUGHOUT THE MULTIVERSE, WEISS!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>that’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> just not feasible.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ruby looked offended. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“What did you say?!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Weiss smirked. “No matter how great you claim your cooking is, I doubt it registers on a </span>
  <em>
    <span>multiversal</span>
  </em>
  <span> scale.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ruby gasped, pointing at Weiss dramatically. “HERESY! YOU VIOLATE THE SACRED TEXTS!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sacred what?!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ruby reached into nowhere in particular and pulled out a large sheet of paper. “The Super Ancient Rose/Xiao Long (and maybe Branwen) Family Texts! Rule Number 67! </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Ruby is always the best at making cakes, throughout space and time </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>and the known multiverse</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>, in perpetuity.’</span>
  </em>
  <span> It’s right next to the one about how Uncle Qrow needs to win at the Game of Remnant every time someone plays him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Weiss rubbed her brow. “I don’t believe this…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know. Apparently, Ozpin beat his Grimm-Eyes Black Wyvern and he’s never forgotten-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I mean that you obviously can’t tell that your own family is coddling you!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t even know what coddling means! And...uh,</span>
  <em>
    <span> my dad could beat up your dad!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>A lightbulb went off the Schnee heiress’ head. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Weiss smiled. “Okay, Ruby. Let it not be said that a Schnee hasn’t played fast and loose every now and then. I bet you...four thousand Lien that my father could beat up yours.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ruby looked suspicious. “Weiss, do you think I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> gullible?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine. Five thousand. But not one lient more.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Deal!” The silver eyed huntress chuckled. “Get ready to lose, Ice Queen!” She strode off like a cat who had got the cream. (Coincidentally, Blake had made herself a coffee. Cream, no sugar.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh, I will be, Ruby Rose. You have NO idea how ready to lose I am! Muhahahaha!!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Later, by the fountain, Yang looked confused. “So...we have to get Dad to kick Weiss’ dad’s butt?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ruby smiled. “Yup! And I’ve already figured out how!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blonde bomber gave Ruby a quizzical glance. “But Dad’s the nicest guy ever! Butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know. We tried.” Ruby said, “But I’ve got a better plan! Something that could turn even the nicest guy into a raging cyclone!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tell him Mr Schnee was the guy who goes into the express lane with </span>
  <em>
    <span>twelve</span>
  </em>
  <span> items?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ruby let out a devious giggle. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Worse!</span>
  </em>
  <span> We tell him…” She tapped out the message on her scroll with a theatrical florish.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“...That Mr Schnee kicks puppies!”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...I kinda feel bad about this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ruby stared inside at the unknowable carnage that was going on inside. No sooner had she sent her fateful message that Winter had sent Weiss a call, asking her to return home urgently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And strangely enough, asking for her to bring snacks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the time they got to the office, Taiyang was in full swing. They didn’t even know he had a semblance like Yang’s until today. He had never gotten this angry in his life. Even worse than the time that Qrow got drunk and took a leak on his record player. It would be scary…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>...if Winter hadn’t set out a couple of deckchairs and a small bucket of popcorn. Weiss was happily munching on her popcorn, in spite of the carnage going on inside:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Kick puppies, will ya?! I gotta smack some sense into you!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Get back you-wait, what are you doing with that pencil sharpener!? AAAAAAAAAARRGH!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Over the sounds of her father being painfully sharpened, Weiss turned to Ruby and handed her a wad of Lien. “Five thousand Lien. As offered.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ruby hesitated. “I dunno, Weiss. Now that I look at it, this isn’t as nearly as entertaining as I imagined.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“When Qrow gets here...then the party can get started.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Wait...is that a xylophone?! Why are you playing ‘Flight of the Bumblebees’?!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Weiss snorted. “Just take the money, Ruby. This is worth every penny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Winter nodded. “And even if we wanted to, we couldn’t stop him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Indeed.” said Klein Sieben, who had just appeared in a deckchair next to the Schnee sisters. “One of Mr Schnee’s ancestors, I believe he was called </span>
  <em>
    <span>Reinhardt</span>
  </em>
  <span> Schnee, created a clause of Trial by Combat. Anyone who can beat the Schnee Dust Company president in combat would win ownership of the company. And it has never been removed from the company charter…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ruby stopped. “Wait...does that mean-?!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Winter and Klein nodded as Weiss declared. “Unless father can fight back, your father is going to be the new head of the Schnee Dust Company.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...does that make </span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span> sisters, then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Let’s not get too worked up over it. This is a comedy skit, after all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ruby was about to respond, but the room’s focus switched back to the fight:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey, Qrow! This clown kicks puppies!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Puppies?! Tai...</span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>get me the butter.</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Butter?! Wait, what are you doing with that paddle!?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The panicked screaming echoed throughout the night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Weiss transition: Weiss is strutting confidently across the screen. She gives a wink to the viewers...and then gets glomped at high-speed by a Semblance-propelled Ruby.)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love Is Blind, or Professor Ozpin’s Day Off</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ozpin needed a break, and this seemed like a good place to do it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The silver haired headmaster might have been wise beyond his years, the leader of a presdigeous combat school, and world champion player of tiddlywinks, but he was still prone to the same flaws and weaknesses of the common man.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In short, he was bored out of his nerves, but sneaking past Glynda was aways more trouble than it was worth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, today was Parent’s Day, and the throught of having to talk to Jacques Schnee made him want to autodefenestrate himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That means to say, he wanted to throw himself through a window.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oddly enough, that’s how he got </span>
  <em>
    <span>out </span>
  </em>
  <span>of Parents’ Day. And also, after a quick change of clothes, why he was dropping into a coffee shop, instead of being cooped up in his office all day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(Pausing to sweep the broken glass out of his newfound leather jacket, of course)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His so-called ‘casual’ attire was his regular clothes just with a grey turtleneck sweater instead of his suit jacket. Clearly he was just thinking with what he could hide in his desk from Glynda.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had just got his favourite blend from the Old Man Shopkeep behind the counter (whilst wondering if he was related to the </span>
  <em>
    <span>billions of other</span>
  </em>
  <span> Old Man Shopkeeps), when he clapped eyes on-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Quite literally, the most beautiful woman he had met in all his days.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her hair was luscious and white, sculpted into a playful pixie bob. The girl wore a red hooded top with a distressed Goliath skull embossed on it, matching with her slim black skinny jeans, and black trainers. Her skin was a bright white, the colour of the shattered moon itself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The eyes...well, Ozpin couldn’t see the eyes, since they were behind red and black shades. But he didn’t care. He could see a woman who seemed new and young, but at the same time, genial and familiar.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Swallowing hard, Ozpin approached the girl’s table. She was stirring a chocolate mocha with one hand and fiddling with a scroll on the other. She eyed him up cautiously. His fear intensified.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Okay, Oz. Keep it cool. How do you talk to a girl? Come on, you’ve been doing this for years! Just open your mouth, and say things that make love happen!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me, miss. Is this seat taken?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Nailing this~!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The woman turned to stare at him with her mirrored lenses. “Nooo….Can I help you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was about to say his real name, but stopped. Professor Ozpin was known to the world as a serious, yet enigmatic, hardnosed individual. The kind that </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> get girls. No, this was a chance to re-invent himself…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>...to prove he wasn’t old.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, but I would certainly like to chat. My name is uh...Austin! And you are?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The woman looked shocked when he mentioned his name. The tone changed to a more nervous one. “Um...Elphaba. And, uh, like, same!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two talked for a long time, about their lives. Apparently, ‘Austin’ was a young huntsman with dreams of writing computer games. Upon retiring, </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘which would be a long, LONG, time off!’</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he’d start his own studio, making </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘cool games for cool people’.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Elphaba’, meanwhile, was supposedly a software developer who worked with computers, helping people with their plans. (This was an untruth, if you haven’t guessed. She never said whether these plans were...nefarious or not.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a few hours, Ozpin checked his watch. He smiled. Parents Day would definitely be coming to a close by this point. It was safe to go back, with nary hide nor tail of Jacques Schnee in sight. “This was fun, Elphaba. We...we should do it again some time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you...Austin. And, uh, like...same!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was definitely unbecoming of him, but Ozpin practically skipped out of the cafe.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hel-LO,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Glynda! How was your day?” declared Ozpin as he strided into his office. Glynda Goodwitch stared at him like she wanted him to explode.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jacques Schnee didn’t even show up. The Xiao-Long girl convinced Miss Schnee to substitute a refrigerator full of expired ham in his place. The scent was unbearable, but I admit I almost smiled.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Deep down, Ozpin was upset he had missed that. But he didn’t care. “I’m sorry I missed that, but guess what?!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m in LOVE!” Salem declared. “I’m in love, Cinder, and I don’t care who knows it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cinder Fall used to feel unending rage and agony whenever she saw Salem leave her castle in her hipster attire. But after some of Salem’s foul tasting ‘herbal infusions’, she now only briefly became numb.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Except when Salem tried dances from the internet. Then Neo had to be on hand with the sedatives.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What was his name, ma’am?” Miss Fall asked. Salem took a deep blissful breath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“His name was Austin. And he was quite the charmer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Her name was Elphaba, Glynda! And she made my heart skip a beat!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There was something about the eyes, though. Like I could remember them from somewhere-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...but I couldn’t quite think of it!” Ozpin looked confused, then realisation hit him. “Of course. I should have seen it coming...!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Glynda Goodwitch looked concerned. “What was it, Headmaster?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...The dark eyes...the pale white skin. How could I be so blind?!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Professor Ozpin?” The astute assessor’s poise fell for a second. Ozpin held his head in his hands before he perked back up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Elphaba...the poor girl was an </span>
  <em>
    <span>albino</span>
  </em>
  <span>! Oh, and she must have been too scared to tell me!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Glynda sighed. “And nothing else?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing else!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ahh…”, the two erroneous lovers said, miles apart, unbeknown to each-other, “I can’t wait for our next date!”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh, those poor fools. Thus we see, the return of Hipster Salem, and a good bit of Jacques Schnee-catharsis all in one chapter. My first attempt as a running joke. What do you think?</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Don't forget to comment, critique and share!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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